Why I write?
It is a breath; my writing and my story. It’s a breath of my thoughts. The question is why do I write. It could be expressed the same as why I breathe. It’s a life vital sign. I need to so I can be free. I must write to find my inner being. It is therapeutic health to my soul. Why do I write and why do I breathe?... is to reach a point of not wondering why. But just to do it for survival within my soul.
There are three key points I want to express to describe this passion of my hobby; this habit I have to write. One point is to connect to my inner conscience. I write to connect with the normal and I quote the word “normal” the oxymoron of the human race. The second key point is discipline. I write for the same reason one would exercise or diet properly. It leads them into a productive lifestyle. It gives one a better edge in the area of healthy spirituality and psychological make-up. I write for the discipline to grow. The third key is as the same reason I married the woman whom I married. I write because I cannot imagine my life without this part of me being expressed. I use the art of writing as a tool. My marriage is the representation of part of me becoming of apart greater than myself.
The first key; I write to be able to connect. When I was 19yrs old I was baker act for the first time. Since then my life has been inter woven within the lifestyle of one who is mentally ill, socially sick, mentally disabled or inclined. I have been baker act four times in my life. Since the age of 19 I have been diagnosed with having several forms of mental illness and been required to take different kinds of medication. My last mental diagnoses is called Skizo=effective which simple put says I’m not exactly schizophrenic however I may carry forms of the symptoms at times. Rather I consider this true or the fact that I may be mentally ill is a reality trivia to the point that I have to accept this problem as reality within my life. I write to help cope with this problem. At times of my life I realized that I was sick (mentally). Other times I thought that I was numb but the world was wicked. Moreover, society was sick and I had to bond with society. Over the years I learned the truth about which theory is actually correct (rather I am sick or the world is simply wicked) is not as crucial to me as rather or not I accept this perspective of reality and develop an emotional mature method to grow through this problem both spiritually and mentally. This is where writing comes in. It helps me cope and connect with whatever is true and real about my life.
For the second key; discipline, I have a life lesson to illustrate. I tried to learn how to play an instrument for a period of six weeks within my adult life. In a very immature manner I tried to imitate these simple chords of a Neil Young song which I liked. I couldn’t figure it out. Even though in grammar school I learned and played two different instruments: a violin & trombone. Today I cannot read or write any style of music nor can I play an instrument. I say this to express the reality that ironically I love music. Personally, I love music on a level equivalent to loving spirituality, food or a sunrise. I have a deep passion for the art. I always have. In a morbid way I can get fix from listening to a song the same way one may get a high from smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer. Nevertheless I never disciplined myself enough to actually learn how to master the art. Likewise, I am able to grow and continue to become better person through writing words, through poetry, inspirational writing or therapeutic essays. I have learned to find discipline within an area of my life whereby I failed before. I write to help myself become successful. This is the second key reason I write.
Now there are times in my life when Mother Nature takes over our existence. Things such as having a baby, experiencing death of a personal love one, baptism, divorce as well as marriage. These things stand to alter one’s life forever. My life was a little altered when I was diagnosed with the mental illness. Movies such as “A Beautiful Mind” help me to connect and cope. Writing also helps me to free myself and accept the life Mother Nature has given me on a deeper level. Today I cannot picture the truth of my life without the intimacy of good love coming from a good woman, thus, my wife. I also cannot imagine how I would cope with reality if I never experience this gift of fate. Both of these truths: marriage and writing carries a harmony similar to purple & pink during a sunrise. I am who I am because of the people God put in my life. The blessing of good souls in this world whom cross my path during my history, my family, my friends, my support groups, my significant lovers and my writing; these things are dear to me. They form all which is good for me. I relate to the word and the meaning of the word goodness through these people and my passion of writing.
It is a hobby. I don’t know if it ever can become a profession. I would feel blessed if it did happen in such a fashion. However, rather or not I become a professional writer will never steal the joy from me to write. The glamour of the hype will never control the vision of the dream. I dream free-consciously when I write. I dream and open doorways to inner spiritual beings. The right I claim to have this gift of writing will never outweigh the burden of work .It can’t be brought nor can it be sold. It is not tangible or controlled like an ego or an addiction. It carries as freewill like a dove and sails through the air of transcending conscience. Hear I have the ability to float as clouds and decent like rain to the unexpected crowd; those who love the pleasures in the simplicity of light from sunrays reflecting of the waters. Writing carries the magic of eternity precession of time, meaning of life to someone needing the help to hear the message of wind waving over their spirit as flowers; freeing them so they may also breathe.